Mr Towse has sent some more provocative thoughts and ruminations from his lair in Northern Spain. The photograph shows him in action as his alter ego Kamrabuskaman.
Photographics
Many people will know that the polaroid process of instant photography was invented in response to Dr. Land’s daughter asking why she couldn’t imediately see the recently taken snapshot. But how many people know that lycra was invented in response to a wish of the late great Sir Henry Coopier Bresson? Bresson was of the ‘bend your knees’ school of photography, scorning those photographers that operated as though they were a fixed tripod stucture. To watch Bresson working on the street was a bit like watching Bez in his early days, according to his friend, ‘Chim’. Other mates of Bresson said that after his usual cup of milky coffee and a warm croissant each morning he would spend a good half our limbering himself up for the ‘worlds greatest photographs’ by perfoming a rigourous routine of limbo dancing. Whilst in Waynesboro, Virginia, USA in 1957, Bresson audibly complained to an accomplice, that he had missed a shot cos ‘he couldn’t get down on his benders’, and blamed it on the restrictive nature of his old tech clothing made from natural* fibres. Anyway, it’s pretty likely that Joseph Shiver of the Du Pont laboratories must have overheard him because only the next year he developed lyrca in that very same town.
Health and wellbeing
Good Spanish pot is great but you have to be careful. It’s so soft and oiley that in moments of disconsciousness you can mistake it for a bogey and flick it across the room.
Home news and gossip
The Yorkshire air ambulance service announced today that it had rescued someone that wasn’t involved in some perilous sporting activity. A spokesman for the rescue service admitted that normally it would not have the facilities to help non sporting members of the community but due to an unseasonal spell of bad weather most sporty people had stayed at home.
My public school is rather old fashioned in so far as we have regular beatings and a strong emphasis is put on the three R’s. Rice crispies, rape and ring pieces.
One and one is not necessarily two. However the sum of one and one does equal two.
I was going to call our kitten: ‘a thick yellowish or greenish opaque liquid produced in infected tissue, consisting of dead white blood cells and bacteria with tissue debris and serum’. However the wife decided that pus would be more appropriate.
In a landmark ruling by UNICEF, Stung of the pop ex-group ‘ The Police’, has been stripped of all of his self appointed titles and medallions and has been ordered to return Newcastle on Tyne to it’s rightful owner, Sir Bobby Robson.
Poor old Morrissey, the tortured soul. If only his parents had relocated to Carshalton Beeches when he was an infant.
I was down at my local timber merchants the other day to buy some timber for studwork. I bought a dozen lengths of 4″ x 2″ in 4.8m lengths. Is it the case that if we leave Europe I will need to order timber measuring 50 x 100mm in 16 foot lengths and in packs of ten?
Since 1971 my son has been teaching me how to convert from old money to new money and I’ve just about got it. If we leave Europe will I have to unlearn everything he has taught me?
Politics and gossip
Given that the desire for political power goes hand in hand with being a greedy robbing bastard would it not make more sense to abolish salaries for politicians. Afterall their wage is usually a mere fraction of the money they embezzle and they simply wouldn’t miss it.
In defense of a unified U.K. David Cameron said recently that everybody that lived below the vilified border of the Mactooshas were a unified people, speaking the same language but added that people in the north sounded a bit different cos they have speech impediments.
Work and society
I have noticed recently in the media that a person’s name is often prefixed by their job description. In my case that would add up to: The filthy sweaty bastard in mucky old clothes that used to do other peoples dirty shit for them Martin Towse was etc. etc. I find this custom offensive but I comfort myself with the notion that whatever it is, it’s just a slave name anyway. Right on Cassius.
Linguistics
When I was in Hull recently, me mate asked me if I could knock up a thyme machine. As a graduate biologist and afficionado of the old sativa creation, I decided to give it a go given his bent for a good stuffing. Imagine his dismay when I presented him with one of those B&Q seed incubators with some shit LED lights glued within it. The Daft cunt, meant a time machine.
When I was decorating on Queen’s Park in Brighton once, I got a job for a tasty lady with a young teenager daughter that she introduced as ‘Time’, I thought it a bit cosmic at the moment but not that suprising for a town that was pioneering the position of making such words as ‘masculine and feminine’, taboo. I did several weeks work there and during that time I managed to suss that her name was actually, ‘Thyme’, as in parsley, sage and rosemary. Anyway I wasn’t that bothered since her mother made great cheese on toast with tomatoes and branston pickle, maybe a touch of mayonnaise.
People in Hull when speaking of themselves often say I aren’t going, instead of I am not going. Us instead of me. Is their a particular high degree of multi-personality disorder in the area? Mrs. Thatcher attempted to tempt the voters of the north then when she said ‘we are a grandmother’. It certainly hit the spot, leaving many throwing up.
