Monthly Archives: May 2015

Sleeping it off

Brighton825

O.k that’s Brighton Festival done and dusted for another year not that I partook in any great way, and I successfully managed to avoid going to any ‘open houses’. Highlights for me were our friend Sarah’s (Cameron) one person show ‘The Red Chair’ at the Dome Theatre and also Head First Acrobats at the Spiegel Tent (as I helped them construct their kit  I was keen to see it in action) who are a very entertaining, talented and likeable bunch of Aussies.

The photograph was taken from the Pier and is not an uncommon scene for a Saturday afternoon in Brighton. My son Barney has just asked if they are dead or homeless !

From Mickey Mouse to Marx, the People’s Republic of B and H.

Vodka131I was intrigued  to see that our local rag ‘The Argus’ has begun to take note of the  now burgeoning but apparently ‘joke’ People’s Republic of Brighton and Hove, even more interesting is scanning through the muttering dissent from the humourless ‘whatever next’ Daily Mail reader brigade on the  comments page ,to whom I would say, come on, folks, down a G and T or two and lighten up the PRBH are hardly a threat to your suburban bliss…. yet! I’m quite looking forward to the picnic in Preston Park on Sunday.

The photograph above was taken at the back of London Road a couple of years ago when the street was at it’s nadir  prior to it’s recent  and ongoing ‘Hoxtonisation’.  Have a look at http://www.thestraggler.net/londonRoad.html if you would like to see some more.

Here’s another very Brighton image from the same series. Live the dream.

Live the dream. London Road

Witch doctor

Witch Doctor827In my outmoded outdated outpost of photographic practice I’m rather partial to moments of ironic juxtaposition, in that respect this photograph taken on a street in Brighton three weeks ago was a gift considering it is indicative of what will be left of our creaking NHS after Cameron and Co have sold it off. The image is visually very similar to one I took at Stonehenge festival  over 30 years ago.

Stonehenge 1984039

News from Vizgo

Mr Towse has sent some more provocative thoughts and ruminations from his lair in Northern Spain. The photograph shows him in action as his alter ego Kamrabuskaman.

Martin in action831

Photographics

Many people will know that the polaroid process of instant photography was invented in response to Dr. Land’s daughter asking why she couldn’t imediately see the recently taken snapshot. But how many people know that lycra was invented in response to a wish of the late great Sir Henry Coopier Bresson? Bresson was of the ‘bend your knees’ school of photography, scorning those photographers that operated as though they were a fixed tripod stucture. To watch Bresson working on the street was a bit like watching Bez in his early days, according to his friend, ‘Chim’. Other mates of Bresson said that after his usual cup of milky coffee and a warm croissant each morning he would spend a good half our limbering himself up for the ‘worlds greatest photographs’ by perfoming a rigourous routine of limbo dancing. Whilst in Waynesboro, Virginia, USA in 1957, Bresson audibly complained to an accomplice, that he had missed a shot cos ‘he couldn’t get down on his benders’, and blamed it on the restrictive nature of his old tech clothing made from natural* fibres. Anyway, it’s pretty likely that  Joseph Shiver of the Du Pont laboratories must have overheard him because only the next year he developed lyrca in that very same town.

Health and wellbeing

Good Spanish pot is great but you have to be careful. It’s so soft and oiley that in moments of disconsciousness you can mistake it for a bogey and flick it across the room.

Home news and gossip

The Yorkshire air ambulance service announced today that it had rescued someone that wasn’t involved in some perilous sporting activity. A spokesman for the rescue service admitted that normally it would not have the facilities to help non sporting members of the community but due to an unseasonal spell of bad weather most sporty people had stayed at home.

My public school is rather old fashioned in so far as we have regular beatings and a strong emphasis is put on the three R’s. Rice crispies, rape and ring pieces.

One and one is not necessarily two. However the sum of one and one does equal two.

I was going to call our kitten: ‘a thick yellowish or greenish opaque liquid produced in infected tissue, consisting of dead white blood cells and bacteria with tissue debris and serum’. However the wife decided that pus would be more appropriate.

In a landmark ruling by UNICEF, Stung of the pop ex-group ‘ The Police’, has been stripped of all of his self appointed titles and medallions and has been ordered to return Newcastle on Tyne to it’s rightful owner, Sir Bobby Robson.

Poor old Morrissey, the tortured soul. If only his parents had relocated to Carshalton Beeches when he was an infant.

I was down at my local timber merchants the other day to buy some timber for studwork. I bought a dozen lengths of 4″ x 2″ in 4.8m lengths. Is it the case that if we leave Europe I will need to order timber measuring 50 x 100mm in 16 foot lengths and in packs of ten?

Since 1971 my son has been teaching me how to convert from old money to new money and I’ve just about got it. If we leave Europe will I have to unlearn everything he has taught me?

Politics and gossip

Given that the desire for political power goes hand in hand with being a greedy robbing bastard would it not make more sense to abolish salaries for politicians. Afterall their wage is usually a mere fraction of the money they embezzle and they simply wouldn’t miss it.

In defense of a unified U.K. David Cameron said recently that everybody that lived below the vilified border of the Mactooshas were a unified people, speaking the same language but added that people in the north sounded a bit different cos they have speech impediments.

Work and society 

I have noticed recently in the media that a person’s name is often prefixed by their job description. In my case that would add up to: The filthy sweaty bastard in mucky old clothes that used to do other peoples dirty shit for them Martin Towse was etc. etc. I find this custom offensive but I comfort myself with the notion that whatever it is, it’s just a slave name anyway. Right on Cassius.

Linguistics

When I was in Hull recently, me mate asked me if I could knock up a thyme machine. As a graduate biologist and afficionado of the old sativa creation, I decided to give it a go given his bent for a good stuffing. Imagine his dismay when I presented him with one of those B&Q seed incubators with some shit LED  lights glued within it. The Daft cunt, meant a time machine.

When I was decorating on Queen’s Park in Brighton once, I got a job for a tasty lady with a young teenager daughter that she introduced as ‘Time’, I thought it a bit cosmic at the moment but not that suprising for a town that was pioneering the position of making such words as ‘masculine and feminine’, taboo. I did several weeks work there and during that time I managed to suss that her name was actually, ‘Thyme’, as in parsley, sage and rosemary. Anyway I wasn’t that bothered since her mother made great cheese on toast with tomatoes and branston pickle, maybe a touch of mayonnaise.

People in Hull when speaking of themselves often say I aren’t going, instead of I am not going. Us instead of me. Is their a particular high degree of multi-personality disorder in the area? Mrs. Thatcher attempted to tempt the voters of the north then when she said ‘we are a grandmother’. It certainly hit the spot, leaving many throwing up.

 

People’s Republic of Brighton and Hove

Plaice state177I read in today’s Guardian there is a move afoot to declare UDI for Brighton and Hove and announce a People’s Republic seeing that we now appear on the political map as a maverick island in a sea of blue conservatism. It resembles the opening credits to Dad’s Army, a brave little outpost nudging away the evil oppressors, I’m  sure we’ll not be fighting them on the beaches but hopefully we will not surrender. Brighton is more of the Groucho than the Karl persuasion and should we have to elect a new leader for our break away republic Russell Brand would be an ideal candidate, in my view he would  win it hands down.  Good luck to the Kemp Town resistance movement in their bid to join us.

The top photograph shows our newly created internal security force guarding key fish and chip installations around the city.

Brighton387

Uh-oh to be in England

Postcard from London735

Hmm I don’t think anyone envisaged that election result, shame because I was looking forward to a bit of constitutional chaos to liven things up. On the plus side, well done Scotland, well done Caroline Lucas, well done Hove. Thanks a bunch ‘middle England’ (wherever and whatever that is) for inflicting your insecurities, selfishness, and small minded  paranoia on us for at least another 5 years and probably longer, no doubt you’ll be the first ones to complain about potholes, hospitals, schools and that the fire service hasn’t turned up when your house is alight.

The photo was taken in London , even though it looks like it might be the Bronx.

 

 

No matter who you vote for….

So just a few days to go now till the horse trading and jostling for position and power begin. Personally if we had an SNP candidate down here in Brighton they would get my vote, Nicola Sturgeon has been way ahead of the others in coming over with a straight forward no-nonsense realistic view of what is what and what is needed. As that is not an option and even though I can claim no eco credentials as I needlessly swan around in a diesel guzzling 2.7 litre London Taxi, it will be Caroline Lucas of the Greens who gets my some what reluctant X, she seems a decent constituency MP who certainly puts Brighton Pavilion in a unique position on the political map that will have one green dot on it.

Surely the time  approaches for proportional representation to be introduced as this election will  undoubtedly highlight the iniquities in our first past the post system.

Thanks to whoever it was who put this song and lyrics by the wonderful Bonzos on Youtube, hope you don’t mind me borrowing it. If you want a print of something in return get in touch and I’ll send you one.